Happy Birthday Jesus

Well, Im playing around on the new laptop thinking to myself "I need to start blogging again". Since Ive gained like, a million pounds, Im going on a healthy kick for the new year. Rita and I signed up for a Planet Fitness membership and we are doing The Biggest Loser through her work. Rita and I are a couple of fat chicks who want to get healthy not skinny. Big difference. Our goal is to, of course, slim down, but to be overall healthier in our everyday choices. We want to also tone our bodies up to better help our derby game. Our goal is to become kick ass Derbots.
Ive decided to document my progress on my blog. Hopefully it will serve as something I can look back on and see where Im having problems, etc. So Im saying Goodbye back fat and hello flat tummy!
Gaining weight has really been a problem for me these last 6 months due to depression. I couldnt understand why I wasnt interested in derby or knitting anymore and why all I wanted to do was sleep ALL day, everyday. When I finally figured it out, I was 30 lbs heavier and feeling like a tub of lard.
So Im taking back my life and being healthier in order to be a better person is what I plan on doing. I know Ill struggle at first, but I can do it. I didnt realize just how out of shape I was till last week when we go to Jackson Hole, WY to ski. I had to walk up about 30 steps in my ski boots and winter gear to get to the base of the mountain (in all honesty, not that far of a walk for a regular, in shape person), and by the time I got to the base, I was sweating like a whore in church and was gasping for breath. It was a rude awakening just how out of shape I really was. There were times skiing in Jackon Hole when I had to stop and catch my breath, especially the higher I went, because I was so out of shape. It was downright embaressing. I mean, Im suppose to be an athelete  who plays derby. In truth, Im sucking major air and have fresh meat passing me by.
Im sick of being ashamed and grossed out by myself. Its time to do something about it. This year will be a good one :)

Hot fun in the Summer Time

Ah, what an awesome summer its been so far...well for the most part. Other then my intestines feeling like their going to explode, its been a great summer. We've been on the lake wakeboarding as mush as possible and thats been super fun. I got new bindings for my board this summer, some Ronix Relik's and Im in love with them. Ive been using Shauns Murray board and I love it. Its so light!! Its like there is nothing attached to my feet.

And since my intestines hate me so much. I havent been able to skate for about a month :(  Its taking everything I have to get out of bed and go to work. Doctors still dont know whats wrong but Ive been in for a CAT Scan (dont have results yet) and ultrasounds, but nothing thus far. As twisted as it sounds, Im really hoping its acutally something instead of nothing, because its its nothing, it means I have one of the most severe case's of IBS my doctors ever seen. If its something, they can fix it.

Death by Change?

Impending doom is looming over my world and dispite what anyone says, there isnt anything I can do about it. I feel a large change about to take place and I can only sit back, hold on and say "Holy fuck, this sucks but at least Im not being eaten by great white sharks". (even though if I could choose an animal to get eaten by, it would totally be a fucking Great White Shark!)

I hate when I cant be funny or think of something funny because everything I know is about to change. What a downer, damnit!

Fuck, I need to Keep this Shit Up

Ok, Ive decided Im going to try and keep my blog updated even if its useless bullshit. After a long lull and absense from blogging due to procrastination and lack of sibstance, Ive been inspired again to blog by http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/, which is Allie Brosh's blog. She is seriously a fucking literary genius (and if you dont think so, I'll set your house on fire. Kindding. Maybe). It was like a sign from Jebus and a chorus of retarded angels parted and started singing when I read her blog. I was all like "Holy fucking shit! Someone else thinks exactly like I do, thats fucking awesomeness!!!" but then I was like "Wait a minute, does this mean that she is me?" then I got worried and thought "Do I have a sister out there I dont know about, is she more awesome then I am? I mean, my moms was kinda of ho back in the day, but that was the times (dont fucking judge her! Thats my job assholes!)" then paranoia "Oh my god, she has stolen all of my awesomeness from our gene pool, is my evil, genius twin and left me to just be the retarded polish one, FUCK!!! Bitch!!". Then reality kicked back in and I was like "Wait, she is fucking awesomeness to the power of ninty elebinty!!!". Word.

So Im sitting here trying to think of something serious and interesting to say but I cant because I have no attention span right now, Im doing 3 things at once, Facebooking, searching Etsy for vintage knitting things, and trying to type this. Im failing. Im thinking I need to search out new layouts for my blog because this one is really old and I cant do awesome one work links with this format Im using now, at least I dont think I can. I am computer retarded. Anyone know how? I'll have to see what I can do. I also hate how this format loads pictures on here. I can only put pictures on certain spots, and that piss's me off. I cant put them where I want them so my blog flows nice and they way I see it in my head, it flows all fucked up and choppy the way the stupid ass computer wants it. Blah! Commie ass computer.

But I made derby signs today and there totally awesome and that made me happy :) Our sister leaugue, the Muskegon Skee Town Skirtz are playing Mid-Michigan Derby Girls tomorrow and Im so prepared to watch the Skirtz kill Mis-Mich. My signs are full of kick assness and its going to be a great game. Flints last home bout is this Sunday. Im kinda happy its our last home game and kind of sad. Happy because my poor body needs a break from getting the shit kicked out of me by all the fucking butch chicks with dicks, amazon bitchlings. (sorry if your a chick with a dick, thats totally cool as long as you dont check me in the face during a bout, that sucks and hurts) And sad because I no longer get to go hit bitches every weekend. I mean I do get to hit bitch's, but those bitch's are my teammates and its just different and not has fun as hitting a total stranger. Its like molesting them, only with consent, and its all okay after and everyone is happy and you get to walk away and never see them again so you dont have they weird ass akwardness that follows. I love Roller Derby!

Ok, I feel drunk because Im so tired so Im going to bed. Please dont die while Im asleep. I would be sad. Im leaving you with an awesome picture of my derby alter-ego JackHerUp Rabbit #10-4 because Im a badass and thats how I roll.